For the love of poop!!

So in talking to my wonderful and extremely handsome friend James S. yesterday I realized that there was a very important topic that I have yet to discuss. Men and poop.

I know there are certain things that men do that I appreciate it that I don't want to do. If it was up to me to mow the lawn we would look like a bad episode of Hoarders and they would have to bring in a search team just to find the front door.  In turn I cook and do the laundry. But there is one thing I don't understand.  I'm not quite sure what the fascination is men have with their poop. They love to poop and they love to talk about poop. They poop take pictures and send them to their friends! They love to fart and to fart on you. YET when it comes to changing a diaper that has poop in it suddenly poop is their mortal enemy.  I can't tell you how many times the hubby has taken Sophia into her room only to start yelling for me and the phrase he uses "babe hurry there's a problem". This is never a phrase you should say to a new mother. I drop everything and go running in there expecting to find her turning blue or choking on something instead I find my husband across the room curled in the fetal position holding up a cross while saying his hail mary's. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a tad but that's what he acts like. So being the supermom I am I glove up and dive in. Now I'm not gonna lie this kid can poop. She gets that from her dad obviously. Her poop is not pretty and she loves to wait while your changing her and unleash some more. As I'm changing her in my full hazmat gear my husband is standing in the hallway dry heaving. This is the same man who on the first night we spent together he farted and threw the covers over my head. Nothing says love like a dutch oven.

So this is what I don't understand. What is it about a baby's poop that terrifies men?  Why is it he could witness our child being shot out of my vagina like a cannon but he cannot handle changing a diaper that has a little bit of poop in it. This is a mystery that will plague me for rest of my life. Yet this is the same man who I'm thoroughly convinced that if he could get away with wearing a diaper and pooping in it he would. So the poop mystery will continue to mystify me. I will never understand it poop is poop and if they kid could wipe her own ass I'm sure she would. Until then I will not be allowed to leave the house in fear of coming home and finding Sophia sitting in the backyard while he hoses her ass down. I hope she knows how much I have her back....literally.