The husband

Ok I'm going to talk about the  man who sleeps in the bed next to me and who snores loud enough to terrify small children.


Husbands are nice to have around....they are not needed, millions of women around the world raise children by themselves (and men do it too so don't think I'm neglecting the single parent dads)but they come in handy. Look without my husband I would never be able to open that jar of pickles or would I be able to reach that pan on the top shelf. How it got up there in the first place is beyond me.  The man in my life is the complete opposite than me. He's sane, grounded, rational, level headed, even tempered and the guy is normal. What the hell he is doing with me is beyond me. Now no matter how much I adore the guy he does some shit that makes me makes me consider tossing him off the nearest bridge when his back is turned.  For whatever the reason the man cannot for the life of him close the cupboard doors so in the middle of the night as I stumbling to get Sophia her formula I smack my head and end up on the floor in a small coma. Also when the man gets undressed at night his pants end up on the floor like little pant dead bodies scattered everywhere. When I do laundry I ask him for all of his dirty clothes and he insists they are all in the basket so I do the laundry only to walk into the closet the next day to find the basket half full and he claims he just found them. How do you just find dirty laundry?? Did he go on a trip in the middle of the night I'm unaware of?? These are just a few of the things that he does that makes me insane. JUST A FEW!

Now understand I know that I'm not perfect. I drive him nuts with my diet cokes laying around the house and my obsession with tv. Sometimes I'm snappy (shocking right?) and sometimes I'm a little too vocal about what I believe (again shocking right?)  But in the middle of our little quirks we somehow  manage to not kill each other. I mean I tried. One night a couple of months before we got married I hit him with my car. No I take that back I pinned him between the back of my tacoma and the side of his tundra. PINNED HIM! After a trip to the emergency room and a pharmacy run to get some vicodin he is now afraid to get within a 10 mile radus of me if I'm in the car and he isn't.  I apologized but I don't think that he forgave me for a while. He did use the accident to receive blow jobs for a while. Asshole.

So I guess what I'm saying is that my husbands a jackass and I'm a bitch and somehow we came together to have this completely insane life together.  We have a beautiful home, a houseful of crazy dogs and a beautiful baby and I consider myself very lucky to have found him. I love him and for some insane reason he loves me  (I'm still trying to figure this one out) and I couldn't imagine life without him. However the next time he leaves his pants on the floor I might have to ask him to step behind my car again so I can finish the job....properly and with no witnesses.